You’re accomplished. You have a solid network. You’re reaching out, booking calls, and showing up prepared. By all appearances, you’re doing everything right.

And yet — the conversations aren’t converting.

You walk away from a networking call with a vague promise to “stay in touch.” You send the follow-up. Nothing moves. You start to wonder: Is it the market? Is it me? Is it both?

Here’s what the data tells us: up to 85% of jobs are filled through networking, and up to 70% of open positions are never publicly posted. For mid- to senior-level women, especially, your network isn’t just a nice-to-have — it’s the primary path to your next role.

So if the calls aren’t working, the problem isn’t with networking as a strategy in and of itself. The problem is somewhere in how the conversations are going.

After coaching and working with many women over the years, I’ve identified five mistakes that keep coming up, and what to do instead.

Why Networking Feels Harder the More Senior You Get

Early in your career, networking was simpler. You had a clear story: recent grad, entry-level role, eager to learn. People knew exactly what to do with you.

At mid-to-senior level, everything gets more complicated. You’re navigating a career transition, a pivot, or a move up — and your story has more moving parts. You have more experience to explain, more stakes to manage, and a much less tidy answer to “so, what are you looking for?”

The skills that got you here — precision, thoroughness, being prepared with the right questions — can actually work against you in networking conversations. What built your reputation as an expert can make you come across as distant, stiff, or interview-like in what’s supposed to be a human exchange.

Add to that the very real pressure of a tighter job market. But the market isn’t the only variable. And it’s the one you can’t control.

What you can control is how you show up in these conversations. Here are the five mistakes that are most likely holding you back.

Mistake #1: Your Questions Are Too Abstract

What It Looks Like

You’ve done your research. You come prepared with thoughtful, intelligent questions: How is your data division structured? What are you optimizing for in hiring? What does the competitive landscape look like for your team?

These questions sound impressive. The problem is, they create distance.

When you lead with systems-level, organizational questions, the conversation starts to feel like an interview or a research study. 

There’s also a subtler issue: abstract questions signal that you’re not quite sure what you want. That ambiguity makes it hard for the other person to help you. 

What to Do Instead

1. Shift from the organizational to the personal by kicking off the conversation with 1-2 questions to build rapport. The most effective networking conversations start with genuine curiosity about the person in front of you — not the company, the industry, or the org chart.

Try questions like:

• “How did you end up in this role? What do you love most about it?”
• “What would you change if you could?”
• “What’s the part of the work that still surprises you?”

People love talking about themselves,  and when you invite that, you build real rapport fast. Once you’ve built that connection, you’re in a much stronger position to make the conversation productive for both of you.

2. Once you’ve built rapport, be clearer and more direct about the role you’re actually looking for.

Once you’ve established rapport, get specific. Use plain, direct language: “I’m in a transition. I’m looking for my next role — specifically working on [type of work relevant to them].”

Then stop. Sit on your hands. Let the silence breathe.

That pause feels uncomfortable. Your brain will want to fill it. Don’t. You’re giving them space to actually think — and that’s where the most useful responses come from.

Mistake #2: You Don’t Have a Clear “Why Now” Story

What It Looks Like

One of the first things your networking contact will want to know — even if they don’t ask directly — is: Why are you making this move? Why now?

If you don’t have a clear and confident answer to that question, it shows. You don’t want to find yourself saying something like: “They replaced my boss and the new person is such a micromanager!” or “My company is about to run out of runway, so I’d better get out while I can!”

These answers aren’t wrong. But they position you as someone who’s running away from something rather than moving toward something. And that creates a subtle but real sense of instability.  The person across from you starts wondering whether you’re in distress, whether the situation is worse than you’re letting on, or whether you’ll be happy anywhere.

What to Do Instead

Lead with vision. Treat the current moment as the accelerant, not the cause.

Instead of: “My role has hit a dead end” — try something like:

“I’ve been thinking about making this pivot for the last few years. I’ve always wanted to work on larger-scale problems. This year, with everything shifting, it felt like exactly the right moment to finally make the move.”

You’re being honest, but you’re leading with forward momentum. You’re the author of your career story, not a passenger in it.

The other piece: get specific about why this field, this type of role, this company. Vague enthusiasm reads as desperation. Specific enthusiasm reads as vision. If you’ve read something about their work that genuinely interests you, weave it in. If there’s a real connection between your background and their world, name it. If the company values match what you’re looking for, mention it.

Your “why now” story doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be yours. 

Mistake #3: You Apologize for Your Transition if You’re Pivoting Careers

What It Looks Like

This one is sneaky, because it doesn’t always sound like an apology. It sounds like honesty. Like humility. Like being realistic.

It sounds like:

• “Someone like me who doesn’t have direct experience in this field…”
• “I know I’d be starting at a junior level, but I’ll advance quickly.”
• “I realize my background is a bit unconventional for this role…”

Each of these phrases subtly signals that you don’t fully believe you belong in the conversation. And when you don’t believe it, the person across from you picks up on that — even if they can’t articulate why.

The “I’ll advance quickly” version is especially worth flagging: it’s meant to reassure, but it actually creates anxiety. It signals that you won’t be satisfied with the entry-level role. 

What to Do Instead

Go in as if the transition is already happening. Because it is.

You’re not asking permission to make this move. You’re in the process of making it, and this conversation is part of figuring out the path. That’s a very different energy, and it’s a much more attractive one to be around.

Lead with what genuinely excites you about the actual work: the first real project with live constraints, the gap between what you learned and what really happens in the room, the chance to build new expertise on a foundation of hard-won experience.

Mistake #4: You Ask for the Job Too Soon—and too Directly

What It Looks Like

You’ve probably encountered that person you just met who has invited you to invest in their startup or contribute funds to their church.

And you’re thinking, “It’s too soon, dude!”  

This is a common mistake people make when networking: Asking too soon for what they want in the conversation, before the rapport has been built, and in too direct a way.

You ask, “Are there any openings at your company right now?”

The person across from you stiffens slightly. They say something like, “Nothing I know of, but you’re welcome to check our careers page.”

Asking directly about job openings early — or without the right setup — forces your contact into an official, HR-adjacent role they didn’t sign up for. 

It shifts the dynamic from peer conversation to job interview. And most people, when put on the spot, will default to the safest, most noncommittal answer.

What to Do Instead

Wait until you’ve built rapport and asked some other questions about the industry or their company before making your ask.

When you do make your ask, phrase it so it doesn’t put them on the spot.

 “Do you know of any companies right now that might be looking for someone in a role like that?” 

“Have you heard of any openings — even informally, through the grapevine?” 

“Are there one or two people you’d recommend I connect with?

Mistake #5: You’re Networking with Peers Instead of Decision-Makers

What It Looks Like

You’re booking calls, having good conversations, and building relationships — but mostly with people at your own level. It feels natural. It’s less intimidating. And peers are often more willing to take the call.

The problem is that peers can’t hire you. When you network primarily at your own level, you’re already a rung down from where decisions get made.

What to Do Instead

Focus your networking energy on people who hire at your level — or even people who hire for the roles above you. That’s where the real leverage is.

This doesn’t mean ignoring peers entirely. A warm introduction from a peer to a hiring-level contact is genuinely valuable. But be intentional about where you’re spending your time. For every peer conversation, ask yourself: Can this person make a hiring decision, or open a door to someone who can?

If the answer is no, make sure you’re asking for a referral upward as part of every conversation.

The Mindset Shift That Ties It All Together

The one thing I tell every woman who’s networking her way to a new role is:  Go into every networking conversation as someone who is curious, confident, and in motion — not someone who needs to be rescued.

You have something real to offer. Your experience, your perspective, your genuine interest in the person across from you. Lead with that.

Networking at this level isn’t a performance. It’s a conversation between two people who both have something to offer. When you walk in knowing that, everything changes.

Ready to Find Your Next Role?

If you’re navigating a career transition, a pivot, or a push into a more senior role, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Explore the Free Career Growth Resource Hub for tools to help you accelerate your next career move, from networking scripts to promotion trackers.

Or if you’re ready for personalized guidance, book a call to talk through where you are and what’s next.