Many women leaders struggle with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and people-pleasing — even at the top of their game. This post explains why it happens and shares practical strategies from Maya Sharfi, a confidence coach,  to build lasting leadership confidence and break free from self-doubt.

What is Imposter Syndrome & Why Women Leaders Are Especially Affected? 

Imposter syndrome is the nagging sense that you don’t deserve your achievements or your role. As a confidence coach, I see many amazing women in leadership held back by impostor syndrome and self-doubt.

Do you spend much of your focus as a leader wondering what people think of you? Do you worry that others don’t respect your authority? Do you fear that you’re not confident enough of a communicator? Do you ever wonder if you’re a bad leader? You’re not alone. 

One study has shown that 75% of executive women have faced imposter syndrome. 

On your way up to the top, you’ve been overlooked, seen as less intelligent, and maybe have even been the only woman in the room a time or two. These experiences shape how you see yourself in leadership.

Key Causes of Imposter Syndrome for Women in Leadership

I will share the three biggest reasons women in leadership struggle with impostor syndrome. When you understand these reasons, it’s so much easier to get past them so they don’t hold you back from being the bold and visionary leader you want to be.

#1: Male-Dominated Environments and Lack of Role Models

In many fields, women still make up the rank and file, but men make up the majority of the leadership. There aren’t enough visible women in leadership to normalize that women are leaders.

On the way up to your leadership role, you’ve probably dealt with doubters a time or two.  One of my go-getter clients was even turned down for a promotion and told that it was a “season in her life’ for family and work-life balance.

(What? This sh*t still happens in the 2020s?!?! No joke.)

Messages like these can get in your head. You may be more likely than your male colleague to wonder if you truly deserve the role, if you’re qualified, or if you can succeed.

When you’re surrounded by messages that say you can’t do it, they just make their insidious way into your mind. And even if they don’t, you worry that everyone else is thinking about them.

A huge percentage of your mental bandwidth can be spent asking questions like:

• Do I belong here?
• Do they think I belong here?
• Am I good enough?
• Do they think I’m too bossy or too passive?
• What if I can’t handle this or fail?

#2: Perfectionism & Fear of Failure

If you’ve succeeded in the workplace, you were probably a proactive girl who drove herself to be the best. But while the skill of getting it all done and getting the “A” can serve us in early career, it can lead to our downfall (in the form of burnout, overwhelm, bottleneck, and micromanaging) when we are in leadership roles.

If what got you here is being perfect all the time (and that’s just not possible anymore in a leadership role), you’ll feel like you need to maintain your perfection or fail. And when you are one of the only women leaders in the room and you think that everyone’s eyes are on you, the stakes for failing feel so much higher. It feels like you can’t make a mistake, so you overwork yourself to make sure that it’s always perfect.

But mistakes do happen in leadership. The mark of a great leader is not being perfect and avoiding mistakes, but how you face them and how you teach your team to respond to them.

#3: People-Pleasing, Boundaries, and Overcommitment

Very few women are immune to the social pressure to be a “nice girl” and to never say no to anyone or disappoint them. Women are socialized to pay attention to others’ feelings and focus on their happiness (at the expense of our own). When the inevitable downs happen in leadership, it feels like it’s all your fault and you’re bad at leadership. (You’re not.)

But if you’re afraid to give negative feedback to your staff, they won’t improve their work. If you can’t speak clearly and directly to your leadership team, you’ll get stuck in conversations where nothing is really getting decided, or the company goes down a path you knew wasn’t right for it.

People pleasing keeps women leaders saying yes to everything, stuck in back-to-back meetings, and redoing work someone else should have done. It steals your time, attention, energy, and creativity — leading to burnout, weak boundaries, and being stuck in the weeds instead of being visionary.

Real Impacts: How Imposter Syndrome Holds Women Leaders Back

• Self-doubt and hesitation to speak up or give feedback
• Overwork, micromanagement, and burnout
• Reduced leadership presence and slowed career growth
  

We are under the weight of so much gender programming and social conditioning. But you’re not powerless.

Strategies for Developing and Maintaining Confidence

Confidence is not an innate quality that you either have or don’t have. And as Katty Kay and Claire Shipman speak to in the book The Confidence Code, confidence is something you do, not something you have. The key to developing confidence is to practice confidence. 

I know this sounds obvious, but here are a few ways to do it:

1. Mindset Shifts — Recognize You Can Have Imposter Syndrome and Still Make an Impact

Everyone’s got it…. No really.

Years ago, I heard an interview with Tess Vigeland, the host of a successful nationally syndicated finance radio show. In it, she shared how much she faced impostor syndrome even at the height of her show’s popularity. It was strangely comforting to me. If Tess Vigeland could have impostor syndrome and still change so many people’s lives and finances, you can make an impact, too.

2. Language & Communication — Speak with Clarity and Authority

How you speak is one of the biggest “tells” of how confident you really feel. Women who are nervous about speaking or giving negative feedback to their teams often say things indirectly, and use a lot of filler language. “I hope, I thought you might, I was thinking we should consider.” Watch yourself for a few days and notice where you’re prevaricating and work on saying it more clearly, firmly, and simply instead.

3. Body Language and Executive Presence

Our body language is another “tell” that communicates just how much we believe what we are saying. One of my favorite tips for building body confidence was stolen from Jordan Harbringer’s advice to men on how to build the body language confidence to pick up women. 

Every time you walk through a door, roll your shoulders back, lift your chest, and look up and smile. It makes every doorway (or if you work remotely, you can make it logging onto every zoom call) a trigger to shift into more body confidence and executive presence. 

4. Learn to Say No and Set Boundaries 

If saying no is hard for you as a woman, compassionately practice doing more of it. Put yourself on a No Diet: say no to something every day and keep notes on how it went and how you feel. Over time, you’ll learn that often the fallout is not as bad as you think, and that you are still ok after saying no.

5. Seek Support – Coaching, Mentors & Peer Networks

You don’t have to do it all alone. A confidence coach can help you free up the energy bound in impostor syndrome and use it to serve your company and those you love.  Sometimes women leaders think they need to do it all on their own, or they haven’t “earned it.” Or they worry it will look weak to hire a confidence coach. Or they have to wait until they have it all figured out before they hire a coach (oh, hey there, perfectionism).

But you are your best asset. Your mind, your attention, and your energy are what can change the world. When you let yourself be supported by a coach, such as a confidence coach, you take all the energy that is bound up in impostor syndrome and free it to serve you, your company, and those you love.

About Maya Sharfi

Maya Sharfi is a confidence coach who has supported countless women leaders to move past imposter syndrome and people-pleasing to become visionary leaders. You don’t have to do it alone. Let’s work together to free up your energy and confidence so you can lead at your best.