Are You a People Pleaser and What’s it Costing You?

Does it ever take you the better part of an hour to send off an email that should have taken you five minutes, as you agonize over every layer of meaning?

Do you ever find yourself dwelling on a conversation you had with someone earlier in the day, going over every nuance of the interaction?

Do you ever defend a boundary of yours at work and then immediately feel bad about it–and worry that your boss is disappointed in you and doesn’t see you as a team player?

This week in Build Yourself+ Live Online we looked what I like to call ‘saying no to say yes’ learning to implement boundaries to all the unfiltered priorities of others (because all the priorities means no priorities) in order to direct our careers in the way we want them to go. We, as women, struggle to say no because we’ve been trained to be accommodating and put others needs ahead of our own. We also get more pushback when we say it–I get women really comfortable learning to say ‘not yet’ as a starter step which is both easier and sometimes can deflect negative perceptions of us. It’s hard to say no but it’s one of the key skills that will move you into the next leadership level.

Saying no is about time management, yes, but it’s also about unearthing a deeper skill–that of checking in with our inner wisdom.

When we practice saying no, we also remember to ask ourselves, what do I really want to be saying yes to?

When we spend our time and energy engaged in people pleasing, we fall out of touch with actively curating what we want, what we really, really want. When I first started this workshop, I thought each participant would, with the help of my strategies, hit the ground running on pursuing what she wanted for her professional life. I’ve learned, over time, that part of my job is to unlock the ballsy (and yes I used that word) girl within you and let her out again.

So when’s the last time you did something, or overdid something just to please someone? Was it today? Was it this morning? Was it five minutes ago?

Do me a favor, say no once today. It’s one of the best ways I know to tap into your “yes”.

Ambition and Goal Setting

Welcome to my first quarterly book report!
This month we’re talking about going deeper on ambition and goal setting.

Whenever I get a bit of free time to myself, I absolutely love sinking my teeth into a good book. I have to admit; I’m a little bit of a reading and data nerd. As a result, I wanted to find some way to keep myself accountable on my reading, so I decided to organize these quarterly ‘book reports’ for you, and pull out highly useful information that you can apply to your life.

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The Work-Life Collapse Attack Meltdown! & How to Handle It

There’s a thinking pattern that I’ve been seeing in the women I work with.

We all know about the comparison gremlins (she bought a house, I’m still renting, wow that woman owns her own company and she’s only 22? and ohmigosh what about all those babies–or grandbabies–on facebook?) Sometimes, when I see women struggle with the gulf between where they are and where they want to be, they do what I’ve come to call the work-life collapse attack meltdown.

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“Dude I was Daring Greatly.” Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown starts with a startling premise: That the ability to be vulnerable is actually an expression of courage, not weakness. Brown starts with a quote by Teddy Roosevelt which inspired the book’s name, one I found so compelling I just had to reproduce it in full here:

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